Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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