we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
a search helicopter?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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