either way he was missing a nipple.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
