Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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