I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
