I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
