they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
