I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
