I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
