As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
