i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
