Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
