I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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