Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
