this boner is exhausting
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
