Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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