ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
