I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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