Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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