God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
