I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize
