I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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