At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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