another moral hangover. fuck.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
