i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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