I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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