Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
