I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize