well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
