absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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