If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
3 2 1 whiskey
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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