she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is the high leading the old right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
