so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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