I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
