Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
