my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
