I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
