Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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