Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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