But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
