I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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