He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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