Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
