You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
