dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
