I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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