i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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