I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
