i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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