actually, I'm a sock model
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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