I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
