No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
