What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
