People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
