so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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