Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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