Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
