He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
