k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
