guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize