Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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