i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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