I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
