He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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