shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
