Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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