First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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