At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
