I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
