Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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