Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
