if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He has the fingertips of a God
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