You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
