just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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