You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize