so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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